Finding Healing in Quirks and Codes

The conversation was in a loop.
"Mmmmm, that was a good margarita!"
"Yes, it was delicious!"
"Mmmm, that was a good margarita!"
"I'm glad you liked it."
"Mmmm, that was a good margarita!"

While studying philosophy as a young Jesuit, I volunteered once a week in a community called L'Arche. It helped get me out of my head and into my heart. The first L’Arche community started in Trosly, France in 1964 when a few "functioning" people opened their home to people with "intellectual disabilities." The people who joined the community would have otherwise lived in a cold and sterile institution. There is a deep spirituality in these communities in which each person has deep value as a human being. Each member of the community comes to understand their own brokenness and their need for community. L'Arche describes itself as ". . . people with and without intellectual disabilities living, working, praying, and playing together in community." The people I met were beautiful.

One woman, Leandra, would greet each person she met with a great big smile and shout, "When's your birthday?" At first, I couldn't understand her words, and she would kindly repeat the question. She wasn't interested in learning names, but she was fixated on birthdays. It was her code, her way of connecting with and celebrating people. Every time I saw Leandra, she would warmly call out my birthday. She collected calendars and spent much of the day studying them. Each person's name was a birthday. She had a way of making each person she met feel special and loved.

The community asked if I would take Hal out for margaritas and nachos. I gladly accepted. Hal would sometimes rock back and forth, lost in thought, but he was eager to connect with others. Sometimes it was difficult to understand Hal, but it was always good to spend time with him. The first time I took Hal out, I couldn't decipher why he kept on repeating that the margaritas or nachos were so good. After lots of repetition, I cracked the code. He could not ask directly for anything. He would say what he liked and hoped that people would respond. Hal expressed his gratitude with smiles and hugs.  

Each of us has different personality quirks and a code that we sometimes don't even understand about ourselves. Living in community helps us to better know ourselves and each other. Volunteering at L’Arche and getting to know its people helped me embrace and work to heal my own brokenness and all that prevented me from feeling loved and connected. The people of L’Arche revealed in a tangible way that all people are beautiful, fragile, and unique.